Yes, I love him that much.
My blog has been a bit quiet on the submissive front. I apologize, but there hasn’t been much to say. Our big thing (is it a fight if only one of you is yelling while the other apologizes?) seemed to have upset the balance a bit. I wasn’t being submissive, on purpose, and he wasn’t going to make me. Then, last weekend, I was so busy doing homework every moment I wasn’t either actively taking care of the kids or in bed with Husband, that there wasn’t much to write either.
I don’t think it’s going to get better anytime soon. I mean, this weekend is going to be driving, family, and then Husband is leaving early as well. Sunday afternoon, but, he doesn’t usually leave until Monday. And, then, he won’t get home again until late Friday.
Next week is California. I’m trying to make the best of it. I figure I’ll actually be able to get some homework done in the evenings because I won’t be on the phone with him. But I’m dreading it. I’m already feeling a bit lost. He’s in charge, I am not even supposed to wear jeans without getting permission from him first, if I need money, I am supposed to ask for it…and, I won’t be able to get ahold of him all week.
Do the one’s in charge feel this way? Lost without someone to take control of? Do they crave being in charge when they aren’t? When he’s gone, I miss the feeling of his hands in my hair, forcing me to my knees. When he returns, and he does that, I feel a chill go down my spine, does he get the same feeling, being on the other end? When I whisper “yes Sir” is that the equivalent to him of when he growls an order in my ear?
He said this weekend he plans to be rough with me, to leave bite marks and bruises. To be honest, last weekend I accidentally bruised his shoulder, biting into it, trying to be quiet while he played with me. We both found it pretty hot. He wants to make me sore, so I don’t miss him so bad while he’s gone. With every movement, I’ll think about him.When I change clothes and see the bite marks I’ll think about him. I’ll be glad he’s gone for a bit so I have time to let the soreness fade. I’m excited about this, but, not so sure how it is going to play out, we are staying at his dad’s house. I assume dad will be there Friday night, but, Saturday he’ll be at his new wife’s house. Saturday I hope Husband doesn’t miss his chance. I told him he had better be prepared to end up with scratches and bruises as well. He doesn’t like pain as much as I do, he isn’t into spankings or anything, but once in awhile he gets in a mood, and shocks me with how much he can take. Like I said, I bit him until he bruises, I’ve scratched and drawn blood. I think I’ve left more marks on him than he has on me.