Unexpected Side Effect

Opening this up means we get to sleep with who we want. That’s about it, right?

You know an interesting side effect? You don’t worry your spouse is cheating. You don’t worry you are doing anything that might look bad and get back to your spouse.

We went to Six Flags with B’s friend, who was in town, and her husband and kids. Well, we split up into 2 groups, one group for roller coasters, one group not. That meant it was me, the woman’s husband, and one of each of our kids. Then everybody else was the other group.

So, I was walking around Six Flags with this attractive guy. Leaving my husband to hang out with another woman. And, I was looking at this man while we talked and waited in line, and I thought to myself “I could actually flirt with him if I wanted.” I didn’t, because I don’t want to mess up other people’s relationships. But, I could if I wanted. Then, I thought about B, and wondered if he had ever had a crush on the wife. And, maybe he did…so? He actually could do what he wanted to, without worrying I’d be upset. So, anyway, everybody had fun, we met up a few times, traded out groups for certain rides, etc. Then we went home.

So, B and I started talking. And, apparently he had the exact same moment…”I don’t have to worry about how this looks. I could have a full on makeup session right now, and it wouldn’t even matter to Kate. For all I know, she is making out with that guy. And, that’s ok.”

Nobody did anything, everybody stayed on the “just friends” level of interaction, but, just knowing how things had changed was oddly freeing.

Try, Try Again

So, because I seem to be a glutton for punishment, I met up with R again yesterday.

I don’t know what happened or why. Maybe it was all just nervousness in the beginning. But, yesterday was amazing. Amazing all three times.

Then stupid work stuff interfered and he had to go back and work more.

I mentioned him to a friend recently, in relation to a funny story, and she questioned me. “Does B know? Is he cool? JUST friends? You sure? How’d you meet him? Why’d you decide to meet in person?” etc.

I told her I met him in person because we’d been chatting and I wanted to. He was cute. I would admit that. I showed her his picture. And she responded with “uhhh huh…just friends. I don’t believe you, and I don’t blame you.”

Try Again

I helped B set up a Tinder profile. Find pictures where he looked hot. Somehow most women on dating sites are all cute and happy. Men post photos that look like the last known footage of them. I was trying to help him avoid that.  I know he’s looking more for hookups in whatever town he’s working in.

Soooo…I went to see R yesterday. He met me at the door, and pushed me up against the wall. I pulled away from his kisses after a few minutes and said “Boy, you aren’t wasting any time.” He said he wanted me and pushed me down the hall.

I love talking to him. I love making out with him. The foreplay is really good. But, after last time I was a little nervous about the sex. So, in my head, I’m kinda thinking “Can’t we just be friends who go down on each other once in awhile?” But, we decided to try again anyway.

It was SO much better this time. I admit, it wasn’t amazing, or mind-blowing. But it was good. It was enjoyable. I need to ask him next time if a couple of the things he does are for me, or for him, because, if it’s for me, he needs to stop it. Switching positions a whole bunch, getting close, then stopping. Dude, you already got me off. Multiple times. I’m good. The sex doesn’t need to last forever. But, the friendship is good, the chemistry is unbelievable, so, we’ll keep seeing each other.

It’s a weird thing to navigate though. All of the “steps” you are supposed to follow in a relationship don’t really apply here. I mean, it is a relationship…and we’re 7 months into this thing, where there isn’t an end goal. I’ve got these two parallel relationships, where they know about each other, they ask about each other. So, I can talk to B about R and R about B. But…neither of them wants to know certain things. And, they definitely don’t want to meet. But, if they do accidentally, they are fine with it. I can’t figure out HOW they would run into each other accidentally, but, stranger things have happened.

B, if you are reading this, stop now, we may be venturing into TMI territory.

My first husband did not do oral. At all. Like, he was fine with receiving but not giving. Well, then I was single and had a lot of hookups. And, a lot of those guys were happy to give, but, I only saw them once, or once in awhile. Then, I met B. And, he outright told me he would happily give up blowjobs if it meant he never had to give oral. Well, I like giving blow jobs, so I continued. And, honestly, I wondered if he’d change his mind. Because most the guys who I knew who hated it were in their 20s. Guys in their 30s were all about it. So, I bet on this, when I met 26 yr old B.

I was right. He eventually was willing to try for a little bit. the little bit got longer. Then he wasn’t just trying, he was enjoying. So, now, at 34, he actually will just do it, like, that’s all he wants to do on his lunch break, then he has to get back to work. So, this past weekend, he did that for me every day. It was 3 days in a row. And, I made the joke that I had never had 3 days in a row before. I could get used to that. And, he was proud of himself for breaking the “record”.

Well, yesterday I left R. The record is now 4 days in a row. I always assumed the consecutive days would be with the same guy. Apparently I was wrong. lol.

8 yrs

For 8 yrs It’s just been B and I. He was my last first.

Yesterday I met up with R. We talked a lot over the last couple weeks. We knew we weren’t meeting up just to talk. He said he wasn’t sure I’d make it entirely through the door before he started kissing me. He was right. We kissed as we walked to the room. We touched, kissed, licked, whatever we wanted.

And the whole time I was thinking “Ok, there is definitely something to be said for being with somebody who knows you. This is fun, but he’s not B.” R was good with his hands and his mouth, but, he was the first person that wasn’t B in 8 yrs.

He told me he wanted me. I told him I wanted him too. So, we tried.

And, it was really pretty bad. Things were not working right. And, I was too wet and he couldn’t stay hard. And, honestly we spent more time giggling and saying “ok, let’s try this…” than we did actually having sex. We tried different positions, and somehow still did them wrong. And, it’s not like we are two 16 yr olds just trying to figure it out. I’ve been married twice, and slept my way through most of my old hometown. He’s 43 and I know he’s got some experience too.

So, I guess we can just focus on the good. The fact that we could laugh about it. The fact even failing as bad as we did it didn’t get awkward. We both did orgasm, so, it wasn’t all bad. We got dressed, and he sat down on a recliner, I sat on his lap and we kept making out, and eventually fell asleep, cuddled up. That was really nice, actually.

He texted me pretty quickly after I left. I think we’re still good. I don’t know if we’ll try that again, or just be friends who like to periodically make out. He implied he’d like to try again. I went home and talked to B, we’re good too. I think he’s patting himself on the back a little bit. But I told him, when he finds somebody to hook up with, not to count on it being amazing. It might be, but it might not be as well. I guess we’ll see.

Unexpected Turn

How do I even begin explaining things?

I’ve always been open to the idea of non-monogamy. And, we’ve discussed it a lot over the years.Often listing off the rules we’d have, or what we wanted. But, ultimately, it was never really a thing more than a fantasy. And, we were cool with that.

B travels full time for work, which leaves me with time on my hands when the kids go to bed. I found a chat room awhile back. It isn’t quite like the old ones, but, it’s not bad to waste some time in a few evenings a month. B knew I was chatting. He knew about 95% of the guys ended up blocked within the first few minutes. The rest were people who could hold a conversation for the evening, but, I never spoke to again. After a couple months I get a message from R. We don’t talk long, maybe 20 minutes before he says he’s headed to bed, but, wants to keep talking to me. Do I have a texting app? I do, I give him the name. This was the end of August. I figure he’ll be an ass and end up blocked soon enough. And instead he says “good morning” every morning and just randomly chats to me, throughout the day. Every day.

It’s October, I still don’t know what he looks like. He doesn’t know what I look like. I think maybe he kinda likes me. And I kinda like him. One day I’m in kind of a pissy mood, and B asks why. When I really think about it, I realize I had a slight crush on this guy, and for whatever reason, I hadn’t heard from him all day. I acknowledge this was kind of silly. For all I really knew he could be some sort of 65 yr old Santa Clause double, but, it was what it was.

When I dyed my hair purple, I asked if he wanted a picture. He said yes. So, I sent one. And, he responded with “you look exactly like you did in my head.” Ok, well, that wasn’t really a compliment or anything. But, sure. Ok, this crush was/is one-sided. Then he sent me a picture. And he looked like Ryan Reynolds.

But, after this, he gets a little more flirty, I think. He talks a little more. Every day. End of November I’m gonna be in his area, and he wants to meet up. So, I go see him. He sent me a very good picture, he’s cute, but not quite Ryan Reynold’s double. That’s fine, of course you are gonna send a good pic, and it wasn’t even misrepresenting. He looked like his pic. We spend basically 5 hours talking. He hugs me when I go to leave. That’s as far as it goes.

By now, B is calling R my boyfriend. Which is absurd. We’re friends. Buddies. Pals. I think he’s cute, but I don’t think he’s into me. B is like “Uh, no, he’s into you.” Flirting continues to pick up. B wants to know how into R I am. I tell him the truth, if I was single, I’d sleep with R.

It’s January, and we aren’t even pretending we aren’t flirting anymore. B knows it all. The hypothetical open marriage scenario is thrown out there again. We’ve had this talk so many times, I don’t think anything about it. Apparently B really was. And, 2(?) weeks ago he tells me, he’s fine with it. If I want to sleep with R, I can. He wants me to be careful, but, that’s his one big thing.

It completely threw me for a loop. I wasn’t looking to sleep with R. I know I’m married, and marriage means not dating. A few days of me basically panicking, and B reassuring, and I decided to see just where R and I are. So, I’m not really subtle with the flirting now. He invites me over again.

I go to the house, and I won’t go into all the details, because B reads this and he doesn’t want to know everything. But, R and I talked for awhile. Then he was holding my hands, kissing me. It turned into a long heated make-out session. I was nervous, he was respectful, never pushed for anything. I eventually left and drove home, worrying the whole time. I got home, and it was a complete non-issue.

So, I guess I have a boyfriend now. And B and R know about each other, and ask how the other one is doing. And, it’s a little weird. But, I think I like it.

New Year’s Resolution

Every year for the last few years I’ve picked a “guide word” more than a New Year’s resolution. The first was Intentional. And that was a really good word. The next was balance, and I didn’t do so well. Last year was progress. It wasn’t as good as intentional, but, better than balance. So, I need a 2018 word. Current ideas are

  • Enough
  • Rise
  • Acceptance
  • Congruent
  • Consistent
  • Pause
  • Release
  • Capable

All of them are words that I can see areas of my life that need improvement on. But, none of them really jump out at me.

In other news, I have a foster dog. This is Kody.


He needs a home for Christmas. Preferably with somebody who wants to play tug-of-war all morning and nap all afternoon. He’s 70 pounds and 2 yrs old.

Also, I have pink hair now.



With Friends Like That

I’ve asked my sister to leave us alone. My kid’s went up to visit their dad for Thanksgiving, and apparently she’s befriended his new wife, so that way she can see my kids and get around me. She makes my kids uncomfortable, she’s just doing this because I told her not to. My ex is not going to support me in this. So, I messaged her “Is there a reason you can’t leave my family alone?” I got back a 10 paragraph e-mail telling me that it is HER family and she will do whatever she wants. That she can’t leave me alone, because I’m obsessed with her. She’s glad I left because that means she can tell everyone the “truth” about me, and I’m not there to refute it. Oh, and also, everyone who has ever met me hates me. Then, because she cares so much about my family, she blocked me. As did my mother after this.

So, ummm…I’m hurting a lot right now.

Plus, it’s ridiculous anyway. Not everyone hates me, some people merely dislike me.