An Update

I spent a lot of time in St Louis last month. I like St Louis. I would live there. Brad doesn’t. He says he’d go for me, but he doesn’t want to stay. Seems like there is always more I want to see. I was there 2 weeks ago, and the kids got really sick. Thing 2 puked in Target. So, we drove 1 day. We saw sights on day 2. They were sick day 3. And, we drove home day 4.

So, Friday, I had to take the kids to my x, and Brad and I headed back. Got there late Friday. Fit a LOT in to Saturday. Then, we saw the forecast. 15 inches of snow on Sunday. We decided leaving Sunday probably wasn’t smart, so we left late Saturday.

My wonderful husband tells me at some point of the 12 hours in the car, he wants me to start planning a get away once a month. Some place we can drive to on a Friday and be home on a Sunday. There are a lot of reasons he wants to do this. 1. More material for my other blog. 2. We really like road trips. 3. We like to go and to do. 4. I’m only going to get worse, and since the MS is so unpredictable, he wants to make sure I get the opportunity to do and see as much as I can.

We lost our dog sitter, so that makes it a bit more difficult, but we were able to find a nice hotel in St Louis that allowed her to stay, so that was not a problem.

My x brother in law, Mike, was watching her when we went away. So, let me give you a quick time frame. Mike finds out in July Evil Sis is cheating, for the 5th time. He says “let’s work it out” she tells him to go to hell. He’s lazy, she hates him, she was just using him, he hates sex with him, etc. He lives with us a month. gets a new job. finds a place to stay. He is with us every Sunday night though. We tell him he needs to go get laid and get over ES. He says no, he is heartbroken over the fact he now has to sleep with at least 2 women, (ex wife, and a new wife eventually.) Brad and I express our concern for him. That he will rush into another bad relationship just for “non sinful” sex. He gets a divorce Dec. 1. December 3 ES is pregnant by her married boyfriend. Mike is here, telling us how shitty she is. How he loves not having to talk to her. How she keeps texting, telling him how bad her life is, and he thinks it is funny. So, Jan. 16, I send a text “you coming over tonight?” he says no, he has a lot of work to do around the house. We don’t think much about it.

Jan. 23, Brad sends a text “You coming over? Katie made extra lunch.” he sends us back a picture of him kissing a woman, who is wearing a white dress. It is the most awkward looking kiss ever. Like, their bodies aren’t even touching. they both just leaned forward at the waist until their lips met. I sent back “stop trolling and come over.”

This is when he tells us, he is married. Again. To my sister. You know, the one who hates him, is just using him, thinks all sex with him is rape, and SHE’S PREGNANT WITH HER MARRIED LOVERS CHILD. I sent back “you have got to be shitting me”. Brad never replied.

He replied with “any questions?” and something along the lines of “look I know you come across as mad just because you guys really care about me and don’t want me to be hurt. But, I am excited about my whole family again.”

No, I’m angry because I feel betrayed and used. I’ve been there for him, when I’d rather be sleeping or alone with my husband. I’ve purposely separated from my family, and then told him things that I felt were private, in order to show him I did understand, and now he’s part of my family again. And, I know he believes husbands and wives must know everything about everything. You can not tell him something without him telling her.

I’m angry because I lost a friend. They are now a package deal, and I will not tolerate his wife. She has been nothing but a bitch to me for about 15 years now. I will not play nice. She might be able to convince him, like she did the first time they got married, but I can see through the act. I have to keep my stress down, and I can’t when she is around. This is the same woman who used to go put on her bikini, get in the pool with my (ex) husband, and climb all over him, wrap her legs around his waist, cuddle, etc. I told him to stop and he said he couldn’t make her. I told her to stop and she got mad and told me I was just jealous, obviously I knew she was prettier than me otherwise I wouldn’t have to worry my husband would leave for her. This went on that whole marriage. When I married Brad I told him, if she laid a hand on him and there was not an immediate action to stop her, then I’d leave. Brad has made sure not to give her even the chance to try anything.

I told Mike a small amount of why I was upset. Brad still hasn’t replied.

I know Brad feels VERY betrayed. He took Mike in, let him stay, didn’t ask him to help out with any bills or food or anything. Brad left for work, while letting Mike live with me. He didn’t worry, because he trusted Mike. And, now, we find out that he had been lying to us for at least a few weeks. Big time.

Plus, neither Brad nor I make friends easily. Neither of us is the type of person who has a million friends and 25 BFFs. We have each other. We each have a best friend. And, we each have a handful of acquaintances that we like to hang out with, but we don’t get close to. So, the fact we got close to him, just to be lied to and betrayed has been very hurtful.

On the MS front, I’m beginning to wonder if I will ever feel 100% again, or if this is my new normal. It is a depressing thought. I love words, and so often the words are just lost to me. I’ve forgotten the word “garage” and instead said “the room with the car”. Book becomes “that folder, with pages of writing by someone else?” Coffee-That warm drink, with the caffeine. It makes me feel like an idiot.Though, I can (and honestly, now I do) avoid talking to strangers so I don’t sound stupid. The problem is strangers talking to me. It takes awhile to register. The lady at Target who asked if I wanted a cart. I heard her, but I asked “what?” 2 or 3 times, trying to by some time to figure out what she was asking. It’s like I move in slow motion.  And, it has me really considering no longer home schooling the boys like I have been, because I can’t find the words to explain the concepts.

But, I can generally carry on about my day. And, I look normal. I just sleep a bit more.

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