I tend to get an idea in my head. And, I tuck it away, pull it out to think on while I take a walk, or a drive, maybe when I shower. But, it isn’t something I actively think about. Eventually, I start thinking some more, weighing pros and cons, coming up with what I want, and how to get it. Eventually, I voice my idea to Brad. When I get to that point, I become obsessed with the idea, and I go full speed ahead. And, I seem incredibly impulsive.
I’ve always wanted to move away, anywhere, really. Just not here. But, I didn’t think I/we could.
In November I got diagnosed with MS. So, I started researching. I found out that the boys are more likely to get it now. The odds went from 1 in 750 to 1 in 70. I found out that the further you get from the equator, the higher the odds of having MS. And, if you get closer before the age of 15, the odds are greatly reduced, you then pick up the odds of THAT population. So, I played with this in the back of my head.
I thought about it more and more, I thought about towns. I thought about what was best for me, for the kids, for Brad. I thought about how to talk to my ex husband about leaving with the kids. Because, leaving without them is not an option, I want to give them every chance to avoid this. So, I’ve spent 4 months on this.
Yesterday, we were walking the dog when I brought the idea up to Brad. He was a bit blindsided. So, I started laying out my thoughts, and as I did, I realized, we might be able to pull this off.
Last night, Brad said he was 90% in favor of moving, he needed to think more before he could be 100%. As of right now, Chattanooga, TN is on the top of the list. I spent the morning looking up info, seeing how much apartments cost, looking up MS stuff to see if that would actually help. Writing out my argument to make to the boys’ dad.
We have reached the “obsessed” point. And, it is killing me not to start working towards it. I just want to call up my ex and tell him we need to talk. This feels very surreal though. Like, I have spent so long with leaving not a possibility, that the idea it could work seems ridiculous.
Now, I have to just sit and be patient. This is only going to work if I can get all my ducks in a row. And, for that, I can’t rush things.