I’m a Klutz

  
Isn’t this a pretty spot? 

About 3 seconds after snapping this photo, I leaned down to touch the water, got too close to the edge and found myself on algae covered rocks. Down I went. My hand stared to swell immediately. Everything hurt. I fell hard. My pants and shoes were soaked. This was the beginning of the hike. Went ahead and finished the 1.5 miles to the big waterfall and then back out. 

  
If you look closely you can see my hand bandaged up behind Brad’s back. 

Three hours of waiting at “urgent” care, just to find out I sprained my thumb and wrist and jammed everything. I’m not entirely certain there isn’t something more wrong (maybe a cracked tailbone, Brad said he heard me hit that slab of granite) but, I just wanted to get out. Plus they acted like I was just trying to get pain killers (I wasn’t), so I didn’t want to keep saying things that hurt. 

I hurt so bad. 

It was a long weekend. Friday was soccer practice. While the kids practiced my ex-husband called, asking if he could come down for their game and sleep in the spare room. Their game was in 13 hrs. It’s an 11 HR drive. I said sure. 

I had wanted to go hiking Sat. After soccer. He didn’t know this. He was bringing his gf, and he said “do you guys have plans? Or can I take the kids hiking? Gf would like to see a waterfall.” I told him we planned to hike, the place had a waterfall, they could tag along. 

Everything went according to plan until I fell. 

He took the kids home, Brad took me for X-rays, we told x “if youve got the kids, you do dinner, we’re going to the movies afterwards” he said ok, they’d get pizza. 

I spent so long in the waiting room, then we needed to eat, that we missed the movie. We came home, everybody was asleep. Ex and gf left to go home at 9 this morning. 

I have friends who think him staying here is weird, but it works. Basically, he comes down, gets to see the kids, we lock everybody in the basement for the weekend. We don’t really have to see him unless we want to. The basement is finished. The kids sleep down there already, so he does too, there is a tv and an Xbox, he generally orders pizza or takes them out. It works. It’s a bit weird, but it works. 

Slow Going

I won’t post a lot, but I want to post a couple pictures. I’m up 10 years and down 75 pounds in these pictures, and I’m proud. I don’t have many people that knew me back then left to see how far I’ve come, but here it is.  

     

  

Feeling Loved

Love is…him buying you the red leather journal and the black, because you asked for the black, not knowing there was red and he knows you like red best.

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Love is…thai food at 3pm on Valentine’s Day because he knows you don’t like crowds.

Love is…driving out of his way to get you Starbucks.

Love is…taking you to the golf course to make sure you’ll be happy walking around it before he gets a membership.

Love is…taking your car, and filling it up.

Love is…going to bed at 9pm, even though he’s a night owl.

Love is…starting a fire, tucking you in to your favorite chair, handing you a book and a glass of wine, then keeping the kids quiet for an hour.

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Love is…tying your shoes for you.

Love is…taking a progress photo everyday, because you want to see the weight loss, even if it seems like no one else can. (21 pounds since Christmas!)

Love is…sitting and watching you write out tomorrows to-do list in rainbow colors, and in order, and smiling while you do.

Love is…getting out of bed early to get your coffee going while you get dressed in the morning.

Love is…chasing you across the rope bridge at the top of the cliff, even though there is a sturdy stone bridge as well, and he’s afraid of heights.

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Love is…lying in bed, kissing on you, caressing, trying to put you in the mood and asking what you are thinking. And, when you say “I’m trying to decide if I have a good reason to ask you to stop, and I think that map of the US looks like a teapot without my glasses on” and he stops and laughs and tells you he can’t see it, point it out, then he holds you tight and tells you how much he loves you.

it becomes more and more apparent as I get older, that my love language is “acts of service” and he has worked very hard to learn my language and he speaks it very well. I know he adores me. He’s been saying it a lot lately.

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The Wrong Day

We celebrate Christmas on the wrong day. We have for years, and that made it easy when we wanted to move to GA. My ex-husband wanted Christmas Day. Ok, not a big deal for us.

It started because I have a little boy with terrible social anxiety, and all the Christmas stuff on that day was just really bad for him, he was always sick. We couldn’t convince anyone else to have their celebration on another day, so, we moved ours. Every year, we have it before the 25th. We wake up early, we do presents, we have a nice breakfast, the kids play with their new toys and then in the evening we do something fun. Previous years it has been go-karts, or a hockey game.

This year, we had our Christmas yesterday. We woke up early and did presents. We all climbed in our bed and watched the Grinch. Then Brad and I fell asleep again. When we got up, everyone got to enjoy their presents. I made a big breakfast. We had a nice lazy afternoon. Then, Brad got tickets online for Star Wars last night. We went to the theater, I dropped them off, and I went to target,  I bought a book, then I went across the street to Starbucks and read quietly for a couple hours. After the movie, I picked them up and we headed home. The kids were asleep just a couple miles in to the drive. We got home and everyone went to bed.

Everyone always apologizes to me when they find out I don’t have the kids for Christmas. But, honestly, I love OUR Christmas. I love that the gift stuff is over now, and we get to enjoy two more weeks of the holiday season without having to rush around to finish our mile long to do/shopping list. I like that when I need to get something from the store for the holiday, it’s still there. I like that now long lines aren’t really bothering me. I can go to the store, or not. Or I can go at midnight, or I can go to a store that just has groceries…and shorter lines. I like that we can go do that fun activity, because places are open. And, we don’t have to feel bad about contributing to making people work on the holiday. The rest of our holiday season is stress-free. We went out for lunch today, and the waitress asked if we were ready for Christmas. We didn’t figure we needed to give a long explanation, so, we just smiled and said “Yup, all ready” and she said “Wow! You are the only people I’ve asked who have said that.”

On the actual Christmas day, Brad and I will have our own tradition…we will wake up and turn on the Christmas parade, and we will undecorate the house. We’ll pack away ornaments while watching the parade. We’ll probably fall asleep on the living room floor, in front of the fireplace like every other year, but it may be too warm for a fire this time. And, maybe we’ll make new traditions. I’d like to go hiking, if we can. And, my in-laws invited us over for dinner. Christmas eve we were invited over to a friend’s house to eat junk food and watch Christmas movies. And, since we have no other plans, or things we must do, that means we actually do get to spend time enjoying our friends and family and not stress about it.

I’m at the point now, where if my ex offered me the actual holiday, I think i’d turn him down.

Not Completely Broken

I believe I’ve mentioned a couple times on here about how the MS has effected my sex life. My libido has been tanked. Most the time, I’d much rather sleep. If sex isn’t hurting it is because I’m completely numb and can’t feel anything. More than once Brad has decided to play with my breasts and about gotten punched in the face because it is so uncomfortable. He’s had me almost in tears from fingering me…And, he isn’t doing anything I didn’t used to enjoy!

The other day though, I was sitting at the kitchen table, and he walked around behind me. He kissed that curve where my neck meets my shoulder. And, I about slid out of the chair. Holy shit…I was getting turned on. This hasn’t happened in SO long. How have we not thought of this before? I know it isn’t the first time he’s done it. but, i guess he hasn’t done it in awhile.

Later that night we went to bed, and he started kissing and biting there again. It was working, again. Probably a little out of habit by now, he saw I wasn’t cringing and decided to hurry up before something went wrong. So, he fucked me, and it was good. I haven’t enjoyed this in so long, I can’t even begin to describe it. He finished, and got up to clean up. He was standing by the bed when he asked if I needed anything. I said “you, to get your ass back in bed. I’m not done.” He was pretty happy about this, because, seriously, I haven’t let him do anything for me, in months. We’ve had sex, but it’s been very focused on him and his pleasure, because I had, literally, no interest. When he tried to do anything for me, it was uncomfortable and just ended up irritating me.

So, he climbed back in bed, and he was careful, and slow, and was understandably unsure as to what I wanted, could handle. I finally said “Brad, I’m feeling really good right now. I’m enjoying the time with you. You do whatever you want. I’ll tell you if it isn’t working for me.”

You’d have thought I just told him we won the lottery. He got to playing…spent probably the next half hour, 45 minutes touching and playing and making me orgasm over and over again. He even did a couple new things, including one thing I loved, but never asked for, because I was so certain he’d never do it. I don’t think he would have, previously, but that night he was in to whatever he thought might make me moan.

I woke up the next morning with bite marks all down my neck and shoulders. And, very, very satisfied. But, the best part is, I’m still wanting sex and it’s been a couple days since that. He left for work yesterday, but he’ll be home tonight, and I want him. For the last…6 (?) months or so, the best I could do was wanting to want him. I missed wanting sex. This is nice.

Diet Bet

I joined a diet bet a month ago. $35 to join and you have 30 days to lose 4% of your body weight. I joined and I hit it hard for a couple weeks. Then I hit a wall. I wore myself out, slept way more. The 12 days of rain didn’t help much either. I was feeling very sloth-like. But I could still do some things. Maybe I didn’t hike, I walked…slowly, around the mall. I could stop snacking and boredom eating. I could drink water and not soda. I could skip the pasta side dish and enjoy the grilled chicken. So I did. And I ignored the scale because I was afraid of what it said. 

Today was the final weigh in. I decided to see how much damage was done. Hoping I at least didn’t gain. I needed to lose 9 pounds to win.

I did. 9 pounds in 30 days! I’m down about 15 pounds from our move date, but still up 10 from my lowest this year. I’ll get back there. 

  

One Month Later

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We’ve been here just over a month. And,I really love it.

I was a bit unsure…we’re really in the middle of no where, we live in a housing addition, but, every house has .5-1 acre of land, so, there are not a lot of houses. But, the kids have made about a dozen friends so far, which is pretty good, especially when you consider they don’t go to school.

I don’t know that I can claim any friends yet, but, I’m meeting people. I’m trying to make friends. I joined a walking/fitness meet up group and the leader sent me a message saying the others had asked about me and when we’d join them again. That was nice.

We went to a fall festival thing last weekend, everybody was really nice.

Brad is home about 50-75% of the time now, it’s weird. But, we’re adjusting. I have 3 friends coming down for Thanksgiving! Brad had a co-worker over when he was in town. The boys father came down a few weeks ago, he stayed here, but, he really just slept on the sofa in the basement, took the boys out all day then they’d come back and watch movies until late, in the basement. It really worked out well, actually.

The move ended up being good for Brad’s job. They’d been wanting to do more regional stuff, and the Atlanta area has been neglected for years. So, they are thrilled Brad is here.

I’m loving the weather. It snowed, twice last year by this time. Today it is about 73 degrees. It rained hard this morning for awhile, but, then it turned in to a beautiful day. I love how pretty it is. We go hiking about every Wednesday, we’ve found beautiful creeks and waterfalls, the leaves changing are gorgeous. Today we went to a 175 year old cemetery.

I love sitting on my front porch every morning and drinking my coffee, and I love walking the dog afterwards and not needing mittens.

I’m not pretending things are perfect. I wouldn’t mind being a little closer to things, but we’d probably lose the big yard in that case. The library system here is really disappointing compared to the old town. We get crappy internet and pay a lot for it. The nearest grocery store is horrible, I’d rather drive to the one 30 miles away. The traffic can be a bitch, and it makes me nervous driving through Atlanta, today we were the first car immediately behind a really terrible car accident, we watched the whole thing, while I slammed on the brakes and yelled “I’m stopped, I’m stopped, I’m stopped!!!!Don’t hit me, don’t hit me don’t hit me!” and the semi behind us, also doing 65 mph swerved to avoid us. I sat there, breathing hard, in the middle of the interstate thinking “Nope, this is no good. I like my old town, where the traffic wasn’t insane”.

Getting used to Brad being around more, but not available has been difficult. I love him, but having to readjust your whole routine, your whole life, and not really being able to create a new one is frustrating. Last week he was gone Mon-Wed.But, had to work in ATL on Friday. This week he’ll be gone Mon-Fri. A couple weeks ago he was home the entire week. There is no more set schedule.

I miss the convenience, and the lack of traffic where I used to live. I miss the library. I miss people I could understand. I miss the gym. But, I know you can’t have everything, and overall, I like it much better here.

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I have more pictures, but my computer isn’t letting me put them on here. I’ll have to try later.